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The Leavenworth Times - Leavenworth, KS
  • Down Home: Monsters and ghosts??Lots of things scare me

  • Being scared is when you imagine that a shadow passes by the other side of the shower curtain, after watching a re-run of Psycho – but then again, I can scare myself pretty good just by stepping out of the shower and catching a glimpse in the mirror.


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  • Being scared is when you imagine that a shadow passes by the other side of the shower curtain, after watching a re-run of Psycho – but then again, I can scare myself pretty good just by stepping out of the shower and catching a glimpse in the mirror.
     
    Rules can be scary. It occurred to me that something was hauntingly wrong when I heard a news story about a first grader who was suspended for 45 days for bringing his new nifty Boy Scout knife to grade school.
     
    Apparently, he just received the new gadget that also serves as a spoon and fork. All he wanted to do was eat lunch with his new utensil. A 45-day suspension – get real.
     
    He's a first grader and a Boy Scout and I'm pretty sure he wasn't planning on taking revenge on the world, at least not until after he had his afternoon nap.
     
    Being sick is scary. Having the flu is serious business but scaring everyone into hibernation is just plain ole' wicked.
     
    I want to avoid germs just like the next guy, but if I can't feel safe breathing the air around me while picking up a gallon of milk, then I probably should just buy a cow. The real monster here could be called the media who is trying to frighten us by giving out too much information, too often.
     
    Clothing can be scary. I'm far from being a fashion queen or even close to being trendy, but it's kinda creepy to see people who insist on wearing clothes that don't come close to fitting.
     
    I suggest that if you can't find a belt to hold up your jeans, try using a pair of suspenders.
     
    No one wants or needs to see decorative boxer shorts and when one of your hands is needed to hold up the pants, it's worrisome what may happen if you were attacked by bats and had to let go.
     
    Not believing in Santa Claus is scary.
    When the jolly old man quit delivering presents it meant that for the next two months, the most wonderful time of the year, is turned into days of worry – who to buy for, what to buy and most importantly, how to buy gifts that no one really needs or wants.
     
    Driving a car can be scary – especially if accidentally cut in front of someone on the highway and it causes them to go wacko and turn into a vampire, looking for blood.
     
    Pulling into a drive-thru car wash and not being able to get your tires lined up correctly so the red light will come on and say "stop" is scary. Backing up and then pulling back in 10 times before the nice man comes over to direct me can be very spooky.
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    Happy Halloween and good luck avoiding the monsters because I found out that their favorite kind of bean – is a human being.
    Sandy Turner lives in the Kansas City area and writes this column for GateHouse Media.
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