The room was darkened by night. The only light was coming from flashes of lightning. Shadows bounced off of the walls while rain pelted the windows. It was the perfect scenario for a great night sleep or the beginning of a scary movie.

I don’t get scared by those things that aren’t real even though I’ve owned a see-through shower curtain ever since watching the movie “Psycho.” Halloween costumes don’t scare me – unless they’re still being worn in November.

I love a scary movie – not the chainsaw massacre kind but the kind you walk away wondering if it could really happen. It’s only scary if it could really happen in real life. Sometimes real life is so scary I wish it were a movie.

It scares me when my phone rings after 10 p.m. Nothing good is going to be on the other end of the line unless it’s a wrong number.

Going to the dentist is scary stuff for a lot of folks but, even though the dentist with his drill and three-inch needles are real, it doesn’t scare me. Not going to the dentist and having my teeth fall out is a whole lot scarier.

Finding out my gray hairs grow faster and stronger than the rest of my hair is scary. Having single strands of hair grow out of the side of my cheek is even scarier, especially when my daughter announces the fact in public and then proceeds to try and pull it out.

Not being able to squat for longer than 10 seconds is scary – not being able to get back up is scarier. It seems as though it happened overnight. My knees are creaking more than the floor.

Public restrooms can be scary. Trying to outsmart the automated faucets and dryers is scarier. I’m pretty sure I scare people as I wave my hands frantically over and under the dryer to get the dang thing to start. I end up having to dry my hands on my clothes.

People who wear masks all year round and pretend to be someone they aren’t scares me. Speaking of masks, I’ll be glad when social media decides to talk about something other than politics as they’re turning governmental affairs into a freak show.

When I was a kid, we’d trick-or-treat with pillow cases, which would be completely full by the time we got home. The only reason our parents looked through it was to pick out the stuff they wanted to eat. It’s scary to think there are real monsters out there who only want to trick our children instead of treating them to a fun-filled night of visiting their neighbors.

Halloween night isn’t scary – until I get on the scales the next morning.

Happy haunting.

Sandy Turner is a GateHouse Media columnist.